Because the happiness of the child is the happiness of the parents

Raising children successfully or according to one’s wishes is not an easy task. Many parents may make mistakes in raising their children, which can stem from stress, lack of confidence in parenting methods, as well as various expectations from themselves and those around them. However, we believe that every family shares one common thing: love and goodwill, wishing their children to be capable, good people who can survive in society. Sometimes, this may cause them to forget that happiness should be a fundamental and important part of life and family, serving as the foundation for being capable individuals and helping children to survive in the future.

The Foundation of Children’s Happiness

The pyramid of happiness has a foundation of love, safety, and fun. When children have these, it creates a good base that helps them have healthy bodies and brains, with senses ready to learn and practice important skills beyond just studying, such as:

• Knowing how to help themselves and others, which is the foundation of responsibility
• Managing emotions and social skills for living with others
• Doing things they like and dislike to develop patience
• Self-control within household rules to develop restraint
• And importantly, creativity and problem-solving skills

When children have these foundations growing stronger, they will gain confidence in their abilities, believing they can solve and manage problems. At that point, happiness will arise.

Fun is also an important factor because when children feel joy, their brains become alert and open to learning, allowing their bodies to engage better with the activity. Conversely, if children are in a state of fear, anxiety, or insecurity, these feelings negatively affect the brain’s ability to learn, slowing down learning and using part of the brain to cope or worry about those feelings. As a result, children may not handle problems well.

Path to Success

An important thing children must do during school age (6 years and older) is to study effectively. The secret or approach to achieving success in learning and later in work as they grow up is the Four Bases of Success (Iddhipada) according to Buddhist principles, which consist of:

1. Chanda: Desire or liking for something
2. Viriya: Effort or perseverance in that thing
3. Citta: Attention, dedication, and responsibility for that thing
4. Vimamsa: Diligent examination of the reasons behind that thing, using wisdom to consider what is done. If we love and like something and put in effort but lack reflection on whether the method works, there is a high chance of wasted effort. When examined deeply, Buddhist principles align with the pyramid of happiness.

Children Who Know Their Duties Grow in Every Way

When children attend school, they will have homework assigned by teachers, aimed at practicing skills, responsibility, time management, and reviewing what they have learned. Nowadays, especially with online learning, children receive more assignments, which can cause stress for both children and parents. The doctor has advice to help reduce this stress by encouraging parents to follow the principle: “Don’t take over someone else’s work,” thinking as follows:

1. Homework is “the child’s work”, not the parents’. The child must do it to review, practice responsibility, patience when facing difficult tasks, and problem-solving. Not being able to do or understand is more important than doing it right or wrong.
2. There is no perfect homework. It is not necessary to check if the child’s homework is right or wrong because that is the “teacher’s work”. If we do the homework for the child and they get everything right, the teacher will not know which parts the child did not understand or could not do.
3. Parents have two roles:
   • To supervise whether the child has done the assigned homework, and
   • To train other skills for the child before and during school, such as being able to help themselves and others, having patience and perseverance, responsibility, concentration, problem-solving, and relaxation when stressed. These are things parents must not forget to nurture so that children can study happily.

Additionally, regarding tutoring children for exams, the doctor has encountered many families helping their children and wants to emphasize the same principle that “it is not our work” and “exams are not that important”. Exams are only an assessment of how well children can learn, understand, and apply knowledge. If we take over the child’s work, they lose the opportunity to practice analytical thinking, time management, planning, and summarizing key learning points. These skills are widely applicable in daily life, helping to distinguish what is important, what is not, and prioritize accordingly.

When parents focus too much on their child’s exam results, the child will feel stressed and focus only on the results rather than on how much effort and intention they have put in. This is more important than the exam results themselves. Parents should consider whether they still remember their own exam results from childhood. At this point, it no longer matters how high or low the scores were, right?