Fussy child refusing to go to school may be a behavior that many parents have encountered before. But how can we tell if the child’s refusal to go to school is just a normal reluctance typical of children, or due to more serious reasons? Here are the initial abnormal signs that parents should observe!!
Abnormal symptoms… that parents should observe when their child does not want to go to school
- Physical observation
Check for bruises, scratch marks, or any wounds on the body. Also, observe the cleanliness of the clothes, food, and drinking water given to the child for school. Note any changes, whether personal belongings are still intact or if there is anything unusual.
- Emotional observation
Cries easily, irritability, increased tantrums, fearfulness, and excessive anxiety about various things.
- Behavioral observation
Aggressiveness, unusually frequent hitting, nightmares, repetitive violent play, hiding school supplies, experiencing pain such as repeated stomachaches or headaches without identifiable causes, lack of enthusiasm as before, less talking or playing.
- Developmental observation
Regression, inability to hold urine or stool despite previously being able to, refusal or decreased ability to write or read, changes in sleep patterns, abnormal eating habits.
What are the causes of a child not wanting to go to school?
- Developmental unpreparedness, delayed development, attachment to caregivers, fear of separation, fear of new environments, or it being the first time attending school
- Stress from adjustment, such as recent loss of a loved one, changing schools, or changing classrooms
- Being abused at school, either by teachers or peers
- Hidden psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety disorders, paranoia, delusions, obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Learning disabilities (reading/writing below age level) causing high stress about going to school
- Defiance, resistance, addiction to games, or substance abuse
- Parenting problems at home, such as excessive indulgence
How should parents prevent and help their child?
- Parents must first observe symptoms and abnormalities carefully
- Consider possible causes
- Reduce parental anxiety first, then calmly talk and ask the child
- Seek help from teachers and plan to assist the child together
If the cause is suspected to be from someone else at school, what should parents do?
- Spend more time with the child to play and have fun, making the child feel safe and trusted
- Test by asking the child’s feelings, such as whether they like school, like a certain teacher, or like their friends. Observe facial expressions and body language to see if the child is uncomfortable answering. If the child seems uncomfortable, gently hug and say, “You have something bothering you, am I right?” Then reassure the child, “You can tell me. I want to help you. I will listen to you no matter what. I love you very much. When I love you, I hug and kiss you like this. When I scold you, my voice gets stern, and you get scared, remember?”
- Ask about the behavior of others, teachers, or friends who may have caused fear. For example, “Is there anyone at school (teacher/friend/others) who scares you? What did they do?” You can lead the questions, such as pushing, pinching, twisting, or other actions appropriate to the child’s language development. Comfort the child periodically by saying, “Good that you remember,” or “It’s okay if you don’t know,” “If anyone scares you, you can tell me. If someone tells you not to tell me, it means they are doing something bad to you and making you scared,” to encourage the child to speak up later.
- Once initial information is obtained, parents should coordinate with the school to find a solution together
- If the child cannot communicate, has limitations in understanding, or shows excessive stress, it is recommended to see a psychiatrist for evaluation and further advice
