Regarding the case reported in the news about a teacher severely abusing kindergarten students—slapping their heads, pushing them, not allowing them to eat, not letting them urinate, and various other behaviors that constitute physical, verbal, and psychological abuse—did you know? These actions not only cause physical harm but also leave psychological scars on the children. As reported, children who were dragged and abused in the bathroom developed a fear of the bathroom and were afraid to go in. Some children had nightmares and were afraid to go to school because they feared school and the teacher. Some children even slapped their fathers when called but the fathers did not respond, which is a changed behavior. If these symptoms persist, children may feel scared and unwilling to go to school. Some children might imitate aggressive behavior and use violence, thinking it is acceptable. Others may develop psychological wounds such as anxiety disorders, depression, and phobias related to fear of repeated abuse.
Why doesn’t my child want to go to school? Clarify the reasons
Here, I would like to advise parents to try to distinguish whether the child’s reluctance to go to school is due to abuse or simply anxiety related to separation from parents, which is common in 3-year-old children (separation anxiety)!
Regarding separation anxiety in 3-year-old children, they often worry a lot when thinking about being separated from their parents to go to school. They fear something bad might happen to their parents, such as accidents, illness, or death. They fear being kidnapped and never seeing their parents again. They fear being alone without their parents. Children may show physical symptoms on Monday mornings when they have to go to school, such as complaining of headaches or stomachaches and not wanting to go to school because they want to stay with their parents. However, these symptoms usually improve by Friday or on days when they do not have to go to school. If parents can comfort and reassure the child that they will take them to school and pick them up as usual every day, the child will feel confident that the parents will not disappear, and the child will usually be able to go to school. Once at school, the fear gradually fades, and the child can learn normally.
This can be distinguished from fear caused by abuse from teachers or peers because if a child fears being abused by teachers or peers, no matter how much parents comfort or force the child to go to school, the child will still not want to go. Even if the child arrives at school, they will not be able to adjust and will show signs of fear and anxiety. This fear will also return at home, such as fear of using the bathroom, fear of loud noises, being easily startled, and having nightmares about being abused—not nightmares about parents disappearing or being harmed. Additionally, the child may have unusual physical marks, such as whip marks or bruises under clothing, which cannot be explained or are caused by abuse from peers or teachers.
Frequent abuse can lead to mental health problems
If a child is subjected to frequent and prolonged abuse, the impact will be greater, resulting in long-term psychological wounds. The child may feel low self-worth, have negative thoughts about themselves, and develop various mental health problems such as anxiety disorders, phobias (e.g., fear of teachers), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), acute stress disorder, and depression. Prevention is definitely better than cure.
How can you tell if your child is being abused?
At this point, parents should regularly talk with their children using open-ended questions, such as asking how school was, what they played with friends, how the teacher taught, what happened today, if anything made them uncomfortable, what they are afraid of, if any friends teased them, or if they were abused by a teacher. Parents should not just assume that the child’s reluctance to go to school is due to laziness, irresponsibility, or just separation anxiety. Frequently encouraging children to talk through open-ended questions will help detect abuse more quickly. Moreover, if you teach your child that if anyone abuses them at school, they should tell their parents without fear of threats because the parents will protect them from further harm, it will help uncover problems sooner. Additionally, guardians should have groups of parents both online and in real life to help observe if their children show any unusual or changed behaviors to act as additional eyes and ears.
What should parents do if they find out their child is being abused?
First, parents should make the child feel safe and assured that they will not be abused again. Parents should not force the child to go to school if the problem has not been resolved to ensure the child truly feels safe. If the problem occurs at school due to teacher abuse, the parents should report it to the Ministry of Education’s administration for investigation and appropriate action to prevent further abuse.
If the child has emotional problems and the parents cannot manage them, do not ignore the problem hoping it will go away. Seek help by taking the child to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for evaluation and assistance because early intervention can heal the child’s mind better than leaving the problem untreated for a long time.
“Although this problem may not be the first time, I hope it will be the last because it is very heartbreaking. I feel sorry for both the parents and the abused children. On the other hand, I also feel sorry for the teachers because teachers who abuse children may have abnormal mental conditions, psychiatric disorders, or may have been abused themselves during childhood and thus imitate abusive behavior. Therefore, teachers should also be evaluated and treated.”
Finally, if all parties help monitor and screen teachers well, including mental health evaluations before teaching, and parents also observe whether their child’s behavior changes negatively after attending school, it would be the best approach.
Hope this is helpful to readers.
Dr. Natthaphon Phiphatthadorn
Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist
Child and Adolescent Health Center, Phyathai 3 Hospital
